My Angel

Twelve years ago today, my first pregnancy officially ended at three months. I had found out two days earlier that the baby had stopped growing a month before. The baby actually died right around the time I found out I was pregnant. But my body showed no signs of it for a month. That month was the happiest time in my life. We had been trying to get pregnant for three and a half years before we finally succeeded. I spent that month buying baby things way too early. We even painted the crib.

When I started spotting, I knew it was over. But everyone told me it might not mean anything. Spotting can happen during healthy pregnancies. I know this myself because I spotted with three of my four healthy pregnancies. But unfortunately my spotting was the beginning of a miscarriage.

I miscarried at home, after promising the doctor I would go to the hospital if the bleeding came too fast. Thinking back, I can't believe I stayed home with that much going on. I had strong labor pains and bled so much. Finally, after three hours, I wrapped myself in towels and laid down on the floor to sleep. I was so exhausted. I am so lucky that everything went OK! I should have been in the hospital but I had no health insurance and still owed the OB $500 from my prenatal visits.

For a long time, I was so sad, thinking I wasn't meant to have a baby. It was a hard time in my life. I went on to have my four healthy boys, and one more miscarriage, right before Kidney Boy. That one wasn't as brutal, physically or emotionally. I think having Junior and Chicken-hair cushioned the blow. And I was only five and a half weeks so it wasn't much worse than a very bad period.

Now, when I think back to that first miscarriage, the saddest part is remembering how heartbroken I was at the time. As for my Angel (seemed like a fitting name), I know I will see him again someday. He and my other little angel, who I named John Paul, are probably playing together in Heaven.

I used to listen to this song and cry... It was my little song for him, but parts of it are more like what I imagine he'd want to say to me. After a while, I stopped listening to it because I didn't want to cry anymore. And then when Junior was about a year and a half, I decided I wanted it back and started singing it to him and dancing around the living room at bedtime with him, with this on the stereo. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraZEoRnkPc

Bucket

So, either he has a very poppable left eardrum, or he has a hole in it. Last night, with no signs of infection, suddenly he started leaking a bunch of pinkish discharge. I took him to the urgent care and the nurse practitioner said it must be popped because she couldn't even see his eardrum through all the gunk. The other ear looks fine. Then she said it is a possibility that there is a hole so tiny that they aren't seeing it and that this is just fluid and wax buildup that is leaking out from time to time. It would explain why he never has a screaming fit when his eardrum "pops" and also why it seems to have popped this time when we didn't even think he was sick at all. She put him on antibiotics because there is no way to know right now if it is infected and if it is, it is bad enough to pop his eardrum so we can't mess around. But she said she really thinks we need to see an ENT after the 2 week follow-up to see if there is a hole or what. She said if there is, most of the time they just watch it. If it never closes up, she said sometimes they put a "patch" on it.

I am not too upset or stressed out so far. He seems fine and happy. If he does have an infection, the meds should clear it up. The only thing I am a little worried about right now is the thrush. He has gone almost 2 months without it I think, but antibiotics can definitely bring it on. So we have to watch for that.

Bucket crawls!!!

It was so exciting! He has been so close for a few weeks now. He would get almost into the crawling position, but with one leg tucked in. Sometimes, he'd even get that leg stretched out, but then he'd lay on his belly and that would be the end of it. If he was on a slippery floor, he would push himself up on his hands and end up sliding backwards. But that didn't even seem like a big accomplishment because he certainly wasn't doing it on purpose LOL

But today, he finally got that little leg untucked and went for it! He really wanted that empty green glass Perrier bottle that my dad put on the floor! hahaha... And after that, he went for the wires that connect the TV to the Wii! Now it is definitely time for Round 4 of babyproofing the house!

You should see how hard he went to sleep tonight... such a big day! =)

It takes 4 tries...

4 tries to get 4 smiles in one picture!

Chicken-hair can ride a 2-wheeler!

He learned on March 30! It was such a thrill and happened so quickly. We've been trying to talk him into it since Junior learned last year. He kept saying he just wanted to roller skate. But we ran into his "fairy" godmother Vivian on Saturday and her twins were also there and she was talking about how they learned already. So Chicken-hair said he wanted to.

Monday night, he suddenly remembered and asked if Gama would take his training wheels off. We have like 8 bikes so he just took another small one that didn't have training wheels and lowered the seat. He started running behind him, holding the back of the seat. And he said, "Keep pedaling! Keep pedaling!" and he let go! Chicken-hair kept pedaling and that was that. He learned just like that. In the span of about 10 minutes, he learned how to start himself off, ride, steer, and brake! I can't get over how fast he picked it all up.

Before learning how to brake, he just kept steering into the grass and crashing LOL At one point, he crashed into a neighbor's (and a cranky one, at that!) lightpost and knocked the top off of it and broke the reflector off the front of the bike! hahaha... but Gama fixed the lightpost and Chicken-hair didn't care about the reflector or his own injuries. He never cares if he falls down. That is probably why he was brave enough to keep pedaling on his first try.

We are all so proud. Junior was cheering him on. And they have been outside each day, riding around together. =)