From July 23

Responding to a friend's questions about how I feel about Kidney Boy growing up, etc...


I do get sad that he is starting to nurse less. Chicken-hair quit on me, cold turkey, at 18 months. I was thrilled that I made it as long as he wanted and that it was his choice and he didn't miss it or cry for it. But it is so hard to stop! I cried everyday for at least a week.

Last summer, I had a very hard time and decided that Kidney Boy would be our last. School was out. Junior and Chicken-hair were 7 and 3 and fighting and wreaking havoc everyday. I was a mess. We had a horrid heat wave that started a couple of weeks before Kidney Boy was born and lasted throughout the whole summer and our AC kept crapping out on us. I just thought I couldn't wait to be past the baby stage and to be able to function again.

Even once school started and I went back to working mornings, I felt like life got a little more manageable but was still sure I was set with my little trio. I felt like life was not so hard anymore but that I was really looking forward to moving out of the baby stage and into the big kid stage where we could plan trips without worrying about carseats, diaper bags, strollers, where the baby will sleep, etc. Gama felt the same way.

And then the magic time started LOL Right around 6-8 months. Kidney Boy started eating baby food. He hated it at first but eventually, he learned to like things like crackers and breadsticks. We were able to go to restaurants without taking turns eating. He let us put him in the stroller to walk through the mall instead of screaming to be carried the whole time. He started napping on a schedule every afternoon so that I could help Junior with his homework and make sure Chicken-hair didn't pee in his pants. (Junior almost never had accidents so I was in for a big surprise with Chicken-hair who still has accidents if we don't remind him to go potty every hour or two).

With each month that passes, I have felt more and more like I want another baby someday. We always said we would have 4. I know that we are perfect just like we are and that life will continue to be wonderful with our three boys. But I also know that once you get through that newborn stage, you are set. You have another best friend for everyone. You get to watch all the adorable things again like learning to walk, learning what lemons taste like, learning to yell at the big kids... those things are just so precious.

And anyway, as hard as the newborn stage is, I can't help but miss it sometimes. That floppy head. That little stretch they do when you lift them up in front of you and they push their head and butt back really hard LOL

I know what is going to happen already. I have given up saying we will never try again. I am not sure we'll succeed again because it has always been such a fight for us to get pregnant. But I am sure we'll try again. In fact, just the other day, Gama said we should start trying in January LOL That one threw me! Back in May, he was still saying he was excited to get out of the baby stage and still not thinking we should try again. So I can tell that neither one of us is ready to throw in the towel. And if we do succeed again, I will just hope desperately that I don't have a summer baby so that at least the older two are in school. And I am sure that at least once everyday I will say, "How on earth did I think I could handle this again?" But I know it will be great anyway.

Last night, I dreamt I had a baby boy, at home in our bed. It was actually part of a big disturbing dream. But that slippery little body... I liked that part of the dream LOL